If I was on the news today

It would have read, "American man who looks Chinese but isn't, in an effort to try to be Chinese breaks his neck on sink and dies while trying to shower in a Chinese bathroom that has a hole in the ground toilet underneath the shower head and slips when he's rinsing shampoo off his hair and accidentally steps into the hole and slips on the surface of the toilet."

Yeah that was a close one. I luckily caught my balance as I grabbed the sink out of nowhere. I had to scrub the bottom of my foot for 10 minutes just to convince myself that it was sort of clean again.