Wednesday, April 1, 2009

How to use a lavatory (for a man)

Let´s just say I´ve used my fair share of lavatories while traveling, including busses, airplanes, and trains. I´m quite the expert at the use of these facilities. This post really only applies to busses and airplanes though, because trains happen to be quite a bit more stable while moving, unless you´re in a country like Thailand of course, then the wisdom in this post applies as well.

Trying to urinate in a moving vehicle is not an easy task. There are several goals happening at the same time:
1. Relieve yourself completely.
2. Don´t pee on yourself.
3. Don´t let the pee splash from the bowl to your clothes.
4. Don´t miss the toilet and piss off all the women in the vehicle.

Trying to meet all these requirements usually requires some combination of acrobatics, gymnastics, and luck. Here´s the optimal position that I have found to meet all 3 requirements. See the multi-angled diagram below (and my amazing MS Paint skills)

If the center of the toilet bowl is flat and shallow, pee aimed at the side with as small of an angle as you can get to the side. Do NOT go perpedicular. It WILL splash!

If the center of the bowl is completely round and deep, then you don´t need to worry as much, just pee into the center as usual.

A good rule of thumb is to always start with a lighter spray just to test the physics inside the bowl so that you can see what will happen if you go full spray.

At the end, always flush. And if for some reason you are a rookie and make a mess, don´t worry about it, let a woman or a janitor deal with it.

That concludes our lesson for the day. If you have any questions, please leave a comment or email me.


Blogger Ben said...

awesome illustrations, make sure you include that in your book, it is stuff like this that people would buy your book, haha

April 2, 2009 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger HJP said...

that was informative as well as amusing. why can't all my reading be like that?

April 5, 2009 at 7:37 PM  

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